I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize