I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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