i just had sex bonerless
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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