peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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