went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I just sharted jello shots
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