Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
