happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
