I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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