Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my being single is dangerous.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
