I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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