Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
