I'm drive I can fine osifer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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