I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
