There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
