Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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