Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
