I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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