ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
