can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
