Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
