How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
