Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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