I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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