don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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