Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina just clenched in fear
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