69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
