I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
