She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
