you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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