We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
