Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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