I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
