Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
