I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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