I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
