I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
