I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
