Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize