is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
