I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
