yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
