I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
