I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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