Betty ford says i'm here all night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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