I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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