Can Purell be used as lube?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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