I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have tasted many bathrooms
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
