genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
