If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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