Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
