Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
