last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize