I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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