You really coming over, don't trick.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
