brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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