piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
