dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
