Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We left an ass print on the piano.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
