Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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