So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
