But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
