I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want her autograph on my taint
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
