Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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