I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
