We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
