He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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