Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
