He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
