i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
