I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
