we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
