somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
