..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
