Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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