Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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