I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
