Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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