found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
