Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
