Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
