yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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