Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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