i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize