it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
