she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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