Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
