you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
