chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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