Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
