I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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