If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
