Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
