atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
