I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
