Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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