"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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