I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
