just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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