Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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