New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize