dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
