Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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