Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
