So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
