She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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