Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
